What Are Boundaries?
- Types of boundaries that you might set for yourself include physical, mental, spiritual, emotional and material.
- Narcissists don’t consider other peoples’ boundaries at all.
- Healthy boundaries help you keep an open mind and respect others’ boundaries.
- Rethink your personal boundaries if you’re feeling angry or victimized.
- Even spouses and children need to know your boundaries and the consequences if they overstep them.
- Consider your comfort level when setting boundaries. If a situation doesn’t feel right to you, set a boundary that will help you feel comfortable.
- Respect from others is part of setting boundaries. If you don’t feel respected by others, your boundaries may need to be reset.
Boundary Conflicts
- Feeling taken advantage of in a relationship is a common issue when boundaries aren’t understood.
- Issues with coworkers and your boss must be addressed immediately and in the proper way. If not resolved, it may be time to look for another job or career path.
- When a family member takes advantage of your time with demands and causes interruptions at work, he or she must be taken aside to discuss why this isn’t acceptable and find another means to communicate and get together.
- Spousal jealousy is a boundary issue which can cause a marriage or relationship breakup. This problem should be addressed if you begin to feel like you’re being stalked or that your every move is questioned.
- Any type of physical or verbal abuse is a non-negotiable boundary. Your self-esteem is at risk if you stay in a relationship in which this boundary is crossed.
- Setting boundaries with friends, coworkers, spouses and family members can involve sensitive issues. Rather than dealing with the issues by getting angry and lashing out, seek help in solving the problems in a way which feelings aren’t hurt and more boundaries aren’t crossed.
Developing Healthy Boundaries
- Know that you have rights and that they should be respected by others. When someone deliberately or accidentally crosses the boundaries you set for yourself, you should be able to speak up immediately and proclaim that the person has gone too far and what you expect from now on.
- If you’re new at setting boundaries it’s important that you take the time to think about the new ones you want to set and develop and how you’re going to carry out the protection of them if someone trespasses.
- Don’t shout and get angry when someone crosses one of your newly-formed boundaries. Keep your cool, but address the situation quickly and let the person know that this boundary is non-negotiable and that you enjoy being with them, but can’t be if they continue the behavior.
- Don’t worry what others think when you decide on the boundaries you want to set. It’s only important what you think and how you feel. It may mean that some people you’re close to will have to behave differently around you.
- Seek help to set and keep boundaries if you’re having trouble. Counselors, your minister or priest and much information exist online to help you know what to do to enforce your newly set boundaries.
- Be assertive with others when enforcing boundaries. Don’t let people think that your new boundaries are just a fleeting idea you’ve come up with. Let them know you mean business and educate them whenever a boundary is crossed.
- Start with small boundaries that are perhaps annoyances and then move to the larger ones which bother you deeply.
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