Managing Conflict by Letting Others Know Your Boundaries

Setting important personal boundaries effectively is the first step in learning how to manage conflicts in your life. The conflict may be with a coworker, child or spouse and it could come in the form of a heated argument or a statement that you disagree with or that you feel disrespects you.

When you avoid disagreements, ignore your opinion about something you feel strongly about and generally, spend your time making sure no one dislikes or disagrees with you — you’re doing yourself a huge disservice and the people around you.

Unless you have conflict, people close to you won’t know who you really are and your boundaries may be crossed without them even knowing why or how. Some conflict may make you angry, but rather than get into a brawl, have a strategy of expressing your feelings – not by insulting the other person.

When you keep walking away from disagreements and any other type of conflict you may end up devaluing yourself or others, when it could all be solved by a good, sit-down talk.

When setting boundaries and managing conflicts with others, be specific about what’s bothering you. Someone may be disrespecting you in front of others by commenting about your weight, age or other sensitive matter.

The conflict must be addressed, but wait until you have privacy and then address the situation calmly and firmly. Let others know exactly where you’re coming from and how it makes you feel when you’re being disrespected.

Also, state the consequences of what will happen next time you’re disrespected in front of others. For example, you could tell the person that you’ll simply turn and walk away. Then, be prepared to do just that if the treatment continues.

Don’t make threats you can’t or won’t carry out – such as saying you’ll leave and never come back if it happens again. That may be discussed in a later conversation but not at the time you’re establishing conflict boundaries.

You’re likely to notice that when you become more comfortable in setting conflict boundaries, you’ll be less likely to become angered or frustrated by not knowing how to handle the situation.

A plan or strategy in place will help you feel calmer and less compelled to join someone else who tries to draw you into one. Setting boundaries for conflicts which may arise in your life is a good way to gain self-confidence knowing you can handle volatile situations.

Namaste!